Frozen Thoughts

A new year, A new beginning

2011-12-30T22:41:00.001+05:30

Well, since the time I started to blog, writing year end posts have become kind of a ritual. Writing this kind of posts gives me the opportunity to look back on what I have learnt, what I have gained, what I have lost and most importantly what I need to take forward to the new year. Well, with the new year comes my birthday and make me a year older. I am not sure if it makes me any more mature than the previous year, but I would like to think it does.

The beginning of this year was rather uneventful, but was kind of promising for me career wise. I have become more extrovert than I was and I would owe it to the kind of professional interactions I do on a daily basis. I am working from the client's place and have to interact with a vast diversity of people on a daily basis and this I think have helped me a great deal in communicating. I have become more strong willed and kind of more convincing too. I learned so much and had the opportunity to teach, but I cannot say I have done a good job of that. But other than this work-front was not all that great this year since I learnt a lot about how businesses get done and I must say I am not a fan of the management bandwagon.

There were so many times I had to make decisions both at work and on personal front and I am rather proud of all the decisions I have made since there was a lot of onus on me and all of these decisions affected a lot of people and so far I have managed to make everyone happy. So far so good. I have also done some impulsive things which I hope pays off.

I haven't taken a single holiday this year, which is kind of sad. And this is mainly due to the pressures and demands at work. Have been working like dog almost all year even on weekends which kind of led to the no holiday thing. I must really get a life and this is eating me big time. All the leave I took this year were either because I was sick or someone at home was. How much more sad can my life become??

Some of the high points this year would be my nephew's first birthday, the time I got to spend with my family and my nephew, my first ever go-live at work(kind of gives me the high to see something I worked hard on(of course as part of a team) being used by people), the lessons I learnt about people, friends(though some were tough and sad lessons, they were worth it) and work and most importantly the kind of the person I have evolved to be.

As always I hope for a better year, a better me and a better world. I have vowed myself to certain things and I am going to achieve it all before the end of the next year. Wish you all a very happy new year and I hope it would turn out to be an eventful, fruitful and successful year for all. Wish you loads and loads of happiness and peace and may all your wishes come true.

The sensible generation

2011-12-25T21:03:00.001+05:30

I happened to go to this milk booth a couple of weeks back to pick up my dad. There was this long line of people waiting to buy their milk card. Almost all of them in this line were men beyond the age of 50. There were hardly any women or younger people. I know for a fact that this happens in my home. My dad who is 72 now runs all the errands for our home. My mom hardly ever steps out of the house to buy anything on a daily basis. She comes out to shop only with my dad or me or my sister. The daily errands like buying milk, vegetables, buying the odd groceries, milk card, paying the telephone and electricity bills, buying ration is all done by dad. Not that my mom does not know to do it all, but it is just the way it has been. Before my dad retired my mom used to do most of these things but then once he retired, he took charge of all odd jobs at home. This is the case for most of the retired men I saw at the milk booth. While the women folk (the older ones) manage their homes, most of the retired men take charge of the things to be done outside home. That is how they get to spend their time. All these years I have never seen my dad sit still in a place continuously for an hour, except of course when he is watching an action packed masala movie (Oh he loves watching movies, especially that of Thalaivar). That is how he has been made. Most men/women of that generation do not know how to be idle. My mom, though she complains immensely of all the muscle and bone aches in her body, cannot spend a day simply lounging. They have to do something useful to spend their time. That is how they envision it. My two granny's (one 92 and the other 87), till this day runs their houses. They are just creaking bundle of bones, but no one can do any job better than them even by a mile. They are so much capable and are still standing on their own limbs at this age simply because they kept on running and running.

People in my generation have become more of couch potatoes and workaholics. My dad's generation worked too. Worked more smarter than harder since they were all intelligent folks, with intelligence that did not stem out of books but intelligence that stemmed out of experience and abundant willingness to learn more and more. My generation and the generation younger to me are more willing to spend time at the computer than at the local market. We love playing xbox games, online games, update statuses online the entire range of social networking sites and simply like to spend time indoors or on a trip over the weekends. I wonder how many of my generation people know from where the milk in their home comes from. We are not resilient, we are more prone to diseases and the only form of physical labor we know is spending time at the gym. While I am sitting here and typing this, my dad is actively involved in organizing "Anna Dhaanam" with his friends at the local temple and my mom is taking care of the chores at home.

It is not just the resilience that we have lost as a community but also the culture and enthusiasm that the older generation seem to have in abundance even today. Our generation seem more interested in blogging and tweeting and net surfing and virtual combat and the multiplexes more than any form of cultural events. I saw very few youngsters at the temple today (I am one of them as I don't participate in such events every year). What struck me most is how much of cultural affinity we have lost. There is no spark in life than making pots and pots of money and buying the latest gadgets. There is no life actually outside the office where we seem to come at odd hours and simply eat and sleep or surf. At the rate we are living our lives I think that the world will really end soon since the average life expectancy is becoming shorter and shorter given the way we live our lives. I really and wholeheartedly yearn for the days before the internet and mobile phones. We seemed to have more time on our hands and were willing to spend them more constructively than watching TV or browsing. When is this crazy existence gonna cease? When can we compare ourselves worthily with our parents and grand parents? When will I ever cease to wish and start to act?

Rain

2011-08-19T19:59:00.002+05:30

There is always something romantic about rain. The dark clouds that descend upon us as if to convey a secret message. The cool breeze that caresses the face and escapes further making us feel alive. The show put on by the lighting and thunder that sends a chill down the spine and makes the heart crave for more. When those first drops touch the ground and emanates that marvelous earthy smell, life takes a new meaning. The feeling when those drops engulf you can just not be explained in words. Have you ever traveled on a bike in the rain? Piercing through that water curtain with the water droplets dancing around your face, shivering from the cool breeze, tasting those unkempt drops that escape into your lips, feeling those needle pricks when a hard drop falls and simply enjoying the bond with raw nature. The experience just transports you to an ethereal place. I have done this so many times, but yet the feeling each time is as new as being born. The experience is different every time and the rain feels brand new every single time. Being caught unaware in the middle of the road when the sky opens itself and showers you with nature’s most unique and important gift to mankind, there is only one thing you can do. Forget yourself and become a child who experiences everything as if it is something new. Nature can have this effect on us.

Living a corporate nightmare

2011-08-08T09:43:00.001+05:30

Disclaimer : I love my job, I really do. It's just that I hate the working culture and the extent people go to get their work done.

Almost always when you say that you are working in the software industry, people assume that your life is glamorous, you are swelling with money and you are enjoying your life to the tee. Well, you have to work in the software industry to know what it really means to people who are working there. When I completed my B.E, I was naive like anyone else my age was and thought joining the corporate work force was the ultimate goal of my life. I joined a company and underwent training and in due course was assigned to a project. It was fine till then, cos I was still naive. Then began the never ending politics of work. Unethical corporate games, unrealistic expectations and deadlines are what the entire structure is made of. For all businesses Client is the God. It's the same here, except that the industries don't really have their backbone in place. They bend backwards to meet all unreasonable demands of the clients. It's interesting how we get our business. We lie. Yes on the face of the clients we lie blatantly saying our product can do this and that and what not. But in reality it probably can only do "this" or in most cases not even "this". There will be jazzy presentations and working models and when the shark takes the bite, it will be reeled in artistically. This is where the marketing professionals and their talent in selling a toothpaste as it were an immortality potion comes in handy. Now we have the client in our hands. Then we go about kicking off the project with pomp and show and there beings a never ending journey of completing it. You slog and slog and slog behind the monitor generating innumerable lines of buggy code and the pressure locks in from all sides. You are in pressure from your boss, who is in pressure from his/her boss, who is in pressure from the management who is in pressure from the Client to finish the task in hand. Tempers flare, tears stream down, deadlines gets pushed, new plan will be arrived at only to be revised again, some people break under the pressure, some walk as cool as a cucumber, someone's uncle will die close to a deadline and someone will quit. Everyone will become everyone's enemy. A lot of back biting and bitching happens and someone will get axed. You will forget your weekends and keep debugging in your sleep. Sun will set and sun will rise again tomorrow but you will never get to sleep. It is mostly a world of frustrations because when you know something is wrong and try to voice your opinion, no one will listen. Or probably will listen and take no action on it. But there are moments like a silver lining in the darkest of times, when you have good team mates to bond with and share and undergo the frustrations together with. If somehow by some luck you manage to get a weekend to yourself the never ending official calls will drive you crazy and wish you were working that being at home. All these gadgets that claims to make your life easy are actually conspiracies of the corporate merchants to make your life more crappier than it already is. With the BlackBerry making the rounds you are expected to check mails at 2 in the morning. You are forever reachable with the mobile phone invention. With the invention of laptops and palm tops, your boss will ask you rather nicely if you can complete something after the normal working hours, cos you have your laptop and that you can work from home. The "can" here is just a nicety while you are expected to work on that extra assignment. After all you are getting paid "handsomely" once in 30 days (when in the 30 days is always a secret). So that should take care of the financial crisis you are always going through.

Working in the software industry is not all that glamorous. Yes you get paid well(not in all cases though) but there is no job security. You have to live your life in a ever jittery mode not knowing when the axe will fall on your head. You will be the apple of the eye for your management as long as you survive all the hardships and deliver. But when you are no longer the slave they want you to be, you will become their enemy. As my boss used to say "No one is indispensable". You will be amazed at the speed in which a replacement is found for you. The vicious cycle continues thus. We never know when an economic crisis will hit us and when our salaries will be cut. Sometimes we never even know when we will get our salaries let alone the pending dues. It will be amazing to see how a pay cut becomes effective immediate while the pay rise and the dues will be stalled as long as possible. And as someone said, the global economic crisis is just one more way to cut salaries when the industry is not even remotely connected to the meltdown.

So we software mortal beings are not having a glamorously happy life. We are corporate slaves and are always on the verge of getting axed. We don't do weekends or vacations. We are closely related to uncle sam and his credit ratings and working onsite is just another torture device in an alien land. Our management doesn't really care about "us" so much as what we deliver. And we are always the enemies of the land.

Matrimony Woes

2011-06-20T19:22:00.004+05:30

If you are a girl and your parents are looking for an "eligible" groom for you, you would know what I mean. You would think from the way I have titled this post that this has been going on for ages for me. Nah it has been a few months and am already at my wits end going through the profile of the prospective "groom". Whatever that is???

When the girl reaches a certain age, the whole world and its aunt will start making matches for her. Suddenly in one of your cousin's marriage, a mami will come up to your mom and say "Un ponna? Nala valanthuthalae!!! Ithunda irukarchae pathathu. Ipo ena panara?" (Translation : Is this your girl? Oh she has grown so huge (pun-intended), Saw her when she was so little. What is she doing now?). The mother would say "MNC la vela pakaralakum." (She is working in an MNC - (even if the company just has a front office in San Jose or California, it will be termed as an MNC by moms whose offspring work in a software company. That is how much software industry has mesmerized Iyer aathu mami's)). "Ada MNC a. Nala nala varana varumae. Enoda orakathioda onu vita athaioda machinaroda payan ipo america la than software la vela pakaran. Un ponum jadagam iruntha kuden. Pakalam" (Oh then she must be getting great prospects interested in her. Give me the horoscope, I ll look for my distant relative(I cannot translate that bit for the life of me)).

There enters the girl into the matrimony market. The best part of this is the online matrimonial sites that are growing by the dozen every single day. Some of the profiles are hilarious and silly to the extent that it makes me feel are these real people looking for a spouse or have they just created a profile to look around. A creepy thought. Very creepy I say. The photos of some are outrageous. Isn't the purpose of putting up a picture of yours, to let the other person have an idea of how you look. So if you are going to wear a baseball cap and a pair of huge goggles(even while posing indoors) what kind of an idea should the person looking at you have? That you must be born blind??? I can even stomach this but putting up a photo of how you looked when you were a kid. Dude seriously???? Then comes the self description where invariably every other person says he is a person with a blend of traditional and modern values. I wonder if most people understand what a blend of traditional and modern values means. Isn't this something that varies from person to person? What is traditional to you may be looked upon as normal by me and what is modern to me may be looked upon as ultra modern by you. So how can we standardize this?

Then comes the Partner Preference section. Most guys don't fill this and I don't know what they expect girls looking at their profiles to think. Is any one OK for these guys then? Then there are these stereotypes who claim that the girl must be good looking, graduate, working/non-working, god-fearing, traditional, respect elders and must be adaptable. I am OKx even with all the rest, but adaptable? Isn't that too chauvinistic or am I over-thinking it. Adaptable to what? So if I say I am looking for a guy who is adaptable how many responses do you think I will get? Zilch. Even at this day and age, people are not willing to get out of their old school system. So where is there scope to talk to the person, understand them a bit maybe and come to a conclusion of what you really are looking for?

As if this is not enough to make your brain all fuzzy, the relatives and friends add more confusion to the entire picture by bringing in profiles of guys. Then there are papers with ads, magazines with ads, so it means subscribing to all magazine and paper that can ever be published until the marriage gets fixed. If at all by mistake some profile escapes with minor injuries amidst the heavy filtering process, the never ending siege to the house of josiar mama (the family astrologer) begins. Poor guy, he must be wondering "my father cleared the horoscope for your grandmother, I cleared it for your mother and her entire clan and now I am still not rid of your family, Bagavanae neku ithulernthu viduthalayae kedayatha?? (Am I stuck with this family forever)". He writes "Can Proceed" on Jadagams he thinks suits each other the best, of course after having consulted Mars and Jupiter and moon and Saturn several times and confirming that they will stay put in their boxes. When this sea is crossed, the never-ending negotiations between the families and the girl and guy goes on for a while. And if all is well, a date is set and both are pushed into the matrimonial bliss(??) forever. If negotiations don't go as expected the loop starts all the way from the beginning. Hmmm, I can only wish.....

Happy birthday darling

2011-05-09T23:43:00.001+05:30

Dear Manav,
A very happy birthday my dear darling. Yesterday saw your ayush homam, the completion of a year since you were born. Your ears are now pierced and you are looking super cute. Am a proud proud aunt my dear for you have given me so much happiness and joy the past year and am sure this is going to continue for years to come. I cannot believe that you are one already. It was like yesterday, where your mom scared the hell out of all of us and the next thing we know you were born. I literally cried when I heard you were born, out of sheer happiness my baby. I can still vividly remember the first time I saw you. It was love at first sight, though you were looking like a baby rat peeled of its skin. I called you "Eli kunju" (baby rat) in the initial days. You weighed a mere 1.4 kg and was just about 30 Cm in length. We couldn't hold you for 11 days since you were born. You were in a hurry to mark you entry that you skipped the warmth of your mommy's tummy and decided to pop out 40 days in advance. The little devil that you are did not want to let us have it easy. You came home when you were 11 days old and from then on it was a steady progress for you health wise. Not a month passed without you visiting the doc and you always kept us on high alert when it comes to your health. But you made up for it in your thousand antics and mischiefs. I can still remember how you would fool us by rolling your tongue to make us believe you had actually swallowed your medicine, just to spit it out a few mins later. How you could store it for that long is beyond me. And this when you were 3 months old. How did you do that kiddo?

You are the apple of the eye to your grandma, grandpa, mom, dad and I your dear aunt. Till this day your grandpa has taken it upon himself to do everything from feeding you breakfast, to preparing all your meals taking extra care to sterilize all the vessels a thousand times, to playing with you and to carry you up and down the length of the hall singing many a silly lullaby's to make you sleep. He even bought his first pair of tee shirt so that the grandpa-grandson duo can take a stroll wearing matching tees. Can you believe it? Oh he is just crazy about you baby. So are all of us. Your grandma is so stubborn that the machine would not wash your clothes properly, that she makes it a point to wash each of your clothes by hand all by herself even if she cannot, till this day. Yeah these are two crazy old people who were yearning to have a kid potter around the house and since you have made their dream come true, they are literally kissing the floor you stand on(Yeah you still are not walking dear). Of course there are days when you drive your grandma crazy and she picks up mock fights with you, which you promptly melt away with that gorgeous smile of yours. Your grandpa is a saint and cannot even pretend to be angry on you no matter what. You have these two wrapped around your little fingers and they are always on your beck and call sweetheart.

Your mommy is one lucky woman to have such a handsome son I would say dear. Given that she is equally kiddish it sometimes becomes difficult for us to decide who is the kid between the two of you. You mom and dad both love you to bits and it is heartening to see the way in which you bond with the two of them. The way you say "amma" in the sweet sing song voice of yours is so darn sweet. We have made this journey with you dear and it is simply amazing. From lying on your back all day to turning on your belly to drag yourself a few inches to crawling on all fours to standing holding onto something to standing on your own for a few minutes, it has been such an amazing journey with you kid and I have cherished and have frozen all those moments.

I have been with you every step of the way right from your birth and have done all that your mommy had done for you (except feeding you of course) and I don't feel any less of a mother to you my dear. From the moment I held you when you were a few days old, to giving you your first bath with your granny, to cleaning you poop and vomit, to rocking you to sleep, to spending sleepless nights with you when you are sick, to teaching you all the mischiefs, to being part of all those mischiefs, to receiving that joyous squeal and that million dollar smile when I enter home from work, to being treated as a special person, to having you to cuddle and pamper, I have done it all and more and I feel so much warmth and joy and happiness and mainly peace when I see or think of you. I may not have given birth to you my dear, but I am your mom too all the same. I have given you all sorts of names like "Pappu", "Chutta", "Kutta", "Pattani", "Duchu", "Thumbalina", "Thumulu", "Timbaktu" (I don't know why this one :) ) and many many more. I hope you don't hold a grudge against me for revealing this in public :). I simply love you so much that my heart swells with pride whenever you do something adorable. And oh yeah you made me read so many mommy bloggers and I loved them all :)

The smile on your face is worth the world to us and I wish you keep smiling like this all your life. I wish you a life of happiness and strength to calm any storms that may come your way. I wish you a life of peace with the comfort of true friendship and true love. May you fall in love a million times and may you learn to share and spread the love just the way you are doing today. Store away this innocence somewhere in your heart and cherish it all your life my dear, for this would be in short supply as you grow up. Love you my darling. Happy birthday.

Survival

2011-04-14T00:08:00.001+05:30

Human race is the only living thing in the world that has everything it needs served on a platter and yet has a thousand excuses as to why their life is pathetic. I happened to watch the Nature's Greatest Events series (awesomely narrated by David Attenborough) and witnessed how animals and plants have to endure so much to see them through their life. A polar bear, for instance has to struggle so hard for six months to get a bite of food as it is difficult for him to catch his prey when the ice melts in the summer. Imagine us living through such adversity? The mammals that live in the Kalahari desert in Africa have to migrate thousands of miles on foot to get to the Okavango delta to get food and water during the dry season. The Pacific Salmon has to travel upstream many many miles to spawn and die due to the sheer exhaustion of the travel it made, but it does this year after year just to keep its race alive. Out in the wild when a giraffe gives birth, the calf falls from at least a feet of height and immediately the mother starts nudging the baby to stand up. The calf keeps falling and the mom keeps prodding. This goes on for a few minutes before the baby starts to shakily walk and then sprint. The mother giraffe had to keep pushing her baby because she wants her baby to be safe from predators and the only way of survival for these animals is to learn to run as soon as they are born. There begins a life of running and their lessons on survival for most of the animals.

A lot of us human beings live a life of luxury, not with just the amount of money we make but also with the no of chances we get in life and in the no of opportunities we have ,to survive. Yet we crib that our life is not good and always complain about one thing or the other because we are creatures of wants and needs and cravings. Even as babies we take a year to walk and more than that to run and speak and a very very very long time to take care of our own needs and fend for ourselves. I cannot help but compare us to these animals. Adversity is something that all living beings go through. But the human race is the only one that is equipped with so much to see them through any situation and yet we find excuses to cover up our incompetence or in most cases laziness and unwillingness to prove ourselves. I somehow detest a person being termed as an animal when he does something cruel or barbaric or inhuman because it is not fair to these animals that a man who has lost his self worth and innate humanness to do something very cruel to be compared to an animal (even if it is a wild animal) which dies a thousand deaths each day to see itself through it and wake up to another day of running and chasing and escaping.

Isn't there something we all need to learn from these animals? Aren't we all inferior to these animals because they strive hard each day to survive and we take our lives for granted? What is the difference in us having a sixth sense when we are no better than these animals which lives a sensible life everyday and always always respects the nature that had created it and lives to carry its purpose in life? What is our purpose in life and how many of us have truly identified it and how many of us are truly respectful of this universe that had created us? Given a choice I would happily be an animal and live a fulfilling life happy to have drawn some meaning out of the short life bestowed upon me.

Marriage and Freedom

2011-04-10T20:00:00.001+05:30

Preeti had recently written two posts on this topic which kind of struck home and had been haunting me all this while until I decided to get it out and over with. Her posts can be read here and here. I kind of owe this to myself as this has been procrastinated long enough for various reasons. For starters I am not married. That does not mean I am not qualified enough to write on this topic. My views here are totally based on my personal experiences and from what I have seen around me.

Given that marriage involves compromises and adjustments there are certain things that I do not agree that people should give up. The most important of it being one's space. I am the kind of person who needs my space no matter how close I am to anybody, because that is the space where I can breathe and relax and be myself. In this space I am devoid of any pretense and compromises. It makes me who I am. Without this space I am lost. I guess that so many of us are like me. But the sad part of marriage (not all but most marriages) is that this space is no longer appreciated. Some people cannot accept the concept of his space and her space. For them it is just our space. They expect every tiny bit of information to be shared, every mail screened, every message read, every call monitored and every outing shared. There is no need for friends for such people for they play the role of every other relationship in each others life. I disagree with this concept for friends are one of the most important aspect of my life just as my family is to me. There are a certain things that you cannot share with your spouse but you can share with a friend. A simple example for this is that some people can share the victory of the Indian cricket team in the world cup only with their friend and not with their spouse simply because the spouse does not follow the sport and will not reciprocate with the same enthusiasm as the friend. But this will be disregarded by those spouses who feel that there can be no way that the husband/wife can share any kind of emotion or zeal with anyone else other than them.

As Preeti had written,

"The spouse is ‘not allowed’ to have friends of the opposite sex. If a friend is of the opposite sex, then they cannot call you, text you, mail you, unless the spouse also reads it. Now to some, it may not sound like a ‘big deal’. (What is there , after all we are married and we love each other.) But to others, like me, it sounds like a death sentence."

How true and how sad? Why is it that you cannot have your own circle of friends after marriage? What is the big deal whether it is a male or a female? After all those friends were there before you came in to your spouse's life. So why cannot these friends be part of your spouse's life any further? Well, most often the answer to this question is insecurity. The spouse is insecure of his/her relationship with their husband/wife that they feel even a slight contact with your friends will overpower their love and their spouse will forever be lost from their grasp. I can understand this insecurity and possessiveness but to what extent can you keep tolerating this? Sadly people don't seem to understand that by trying to control the bounds of their spouse they are also taking other people's lives into their hands and trying to dictate terms in their lives. If a wife says her husband can no longer talk/text/see his friend (irrespective of the gender), they are actually taking a decision for his friend too. And the saddest part is that the spouse who is your friend actually chooses to let go of the friendship to have an illusion of peace at home. If this is the extent of compromise one has to do to live the rest of your life with someone with fabricated peace and love then I would definitely say that marriage is an overrated institution, whether it is arranged or a love marriage.

   I have some good friends who are married to each other, who understand and respect each other and their spaces while being close at heart with each other. Their mutual respect for each other's personal space is exemplary that I cannot help but salute such relationships. Unless and until you let a person be, how can you ever claim to love all of them? People are not manufactured products that fits into a box of specified dimensions. It is the little quirks in a person that makes him who he is and if you are to customize it according to your whims and fancies then how are you to ever appreciate or respect that person for what he is? This is where most marriages fail. When you keep on dictating terms and conditions, after a point the other person either becomes so fabricated that he/she will just shut their mouth and start behaving like a robot that does what it is commanded to do or will just lose it and walk out unable to withstand the constant yapping. I have these kind of friends too. And yes I have lost some good friends to marriage and all I can feel is sorry for them for having to lose a wonderful relationship and making a fool of themselves.

   Both men and women go through the loss of freedom alike. While most women accept the situation as part of married life for sadly they believe that their husbands are the beginning and end of their lives, some women succumb to it due to social pressures and familial responsibilities though most women are educated and fend for themselves these days. For men it is either loss of courage to stand up for themselves and defend their friendship or they are so tired of the their own responsibilities that they don't want to come home to a battleground and it is easier for them to throw their friends under the bus to maintain a semblance of peace at home. Either way it is a pathetic situation and it makes me wonder how people are so willing to live a life of pretense? Or do they just agree that it is all destiny? It is still pathetic that way. All this makes me come to the conclusion that marriage is indeed an overrated institution unless you find the right person to make this journey with.

Simple Pleasures of Life

2011-02-14T11:12:00.004+05:30

are experienced when

You rest your back on a Sunday afternoon, with old melodies of Illayaraja drifting in the background lulling you into a half sleep while a tiny bundle moves all over you occasionally stopping to caress your face with his tiny little hands.

You watch a night show with friends and cruise along empty roads at one in the night with a cold blast of air sweeping across your brow, feeling like the queen of the world. (Falling sick the next day is totally another story)

You crack silly jokes with your mom about your sister and giggle away while she glares at us only to break into an unstoppable laugh herself. You cannot help but stop and thank the universe for blessing you with a family that is also your friend

You make yourself a hot bowl of Maggie and eat it cuddling on the bed on a rainy afternoon, while watching a good movie

You wake up in the morning to a sweet little face that smiles down on you with the most beautiful smile on earth which makes you want to freeze the moment forever

You stop over at a friend's house and chat away to glory in the middle of the road, not aware of the time and return all revved up

You and your dad race to finish a box of chocolates realizing yet another time that there is a child in everyone

You look up and see your dad rocking your nephew in his arms and singing lullaby to make him sleep

You see your mom mock fighting with your nephew just to make him grin and show his 2 tiny little teeth

Sharing

2011-02-01T13:38:00.000+05:30

A very touchy topic but I felt the need to write this down now and here. How many of us openly talk to our friends and tell them our mind without having the need to hold back information? When is the last time you have told your friend you cannot talk or text or mail or see them simply because you don't feel like it? When is the last time the friend had accepted that and had not judged you for that? How many of us speak and actually share information with our friends?

I have a very few friends with whom I can talk anything to and know for a fact that I am not being judged and the other person is indeed listening to my ramblings no matter how trivial it is or how irritating it is. I also have these friends tell me point blank on my face that they don't support what I am doing and they don't think what I am doing or saying is right and that they don't agree with it. How many of us are actually blessed with such friends? Or how many of us are such friends who don't feel the need to mask our thoughts and views if it differs from theirs? After all friends are meant to be like that right?

Have you ever felt the need to share you thoughts with anyone. I know I do. This blog is one such outlet for that necessity of mine. I also ramble with my few close friends. I can discuss anything under the sun with them. And some of them are utterly meaningless but I have those listening ears anyway. I think it is an excellent way of clearing off the misunderstandings you might have with your friends. I honestly declare my views to people who are important to me no matter how bad it is. There is this desperate want to let them know what I think. And many times this had led to my friends getting angry and stomping off. But those who matters most and for those whom you matter to the most, always come back.

There is one important aspect of sharing. You have to understand that the other person also have opinions and may not always be same as yours. It is not important that our opinions match but rather important that we are clear in what we communicate and are open minded to listen to a different perspective and accept and respect those views too though we may not agree with them. I had one such conversation with a very close friend of mine a few hours back and we did not agree on the topic. To others it might seem as though we were fighting as the words we were using are pretty strong, but we know that we are trying to cut through sense into the other person and make them see our point of view. In the end the conversation will end as it began, without any mutual agreement but we would have listened intently to each other and would have agreed that we both were right on our own stead. I think that if you claim to love someone, and call some one a trusted, close, best, bestest or any kind of a superlative friend, it is important to share. It is actually a blessing, as far as I am concerned that we have someone to share our views with. Otherwise people like me who keep building stuff up inside them, for it is not easy for me to talk to anyone and everyone, would die of this burden.

MTV Roadies

2011-01-30T23:23:00.002+05:30

How many of you watch this show? This is supposedly a reality show where a handful of chosen contestants from various states in India ride a Hero Honda Karizma from a stipulated starting point to a destination city all the while performing various physically, mentally and culturally challenging tasks and voting out one or more fellow contestants. And then there is this grand finale where one person is chosen the Roadie of the season and is duly rewarded with a cash prize and a Hero Honda Karizma (God I love this bike).

There is a lot of drama happening between the contestants throughout the journey. These people are total strangers and are fated to stay together for the entire journey (well if they survive the vote outs that is). They start forming groups and keep bitching about each other behind their backs as is the psychology of human mind. Here it is not about the survival of the fittest. It is about the survival of the most sly, manipulative, twisted-brained person. If you can con your survival you most probably have the chance of winning the title. That is bottom line of the show. It is surprising how people can behave on screen when they know thousands of people are watching them. I personally feel that most of this is for adding a certain ticker to the show and increase its viewer-ship.

The most interesting of all these drama is the one meted out by its hosts Raghu Ram, Rajiv and Rann Vijay, especially Raghu. During the auditions the way in which he insults the aspiring contestants is irritating. Again I think this is a scripted out strategy to keep people like me hooked to the screen. Yep I am shameless like that. He has the biggest attitude and he shouts and yells and bad-mouths anyone he wants to. Am really not sure if this guy is like this in reality and if so how on earth are people putting up with such a bitter and irritating fella is beyond my grasp.

I don't understand how come so many people are willing to take part in shows like this and act as if their life depended on it. Are there so many jobless people out there in reality? Seriously you should watch this show right from its auditions to understand what I am saying. The people hosting the show go to all possible extents to insult the contestants claiming to break them (In this season they have resorted to even physically abusing the contestants). There are things like writing "I am a Loser" on the forehead of one of the contestants and making a guy strip and wear women's undergarments just to prove that he is faking macho and independence and is not actually comfortable about his parents watching him on screen. I really cannot blame the channel for this beyond a certain extent. These are all adults beyond 18 years of age who pretty well know what they are doing. Aren't they really embarrassed by such charades? Don't get me started on the way in which these people behave on the actual trip. Girls come on to guys and guys fool around with girls for the votes and you can actually see some intimate scenes as in the movies. Will their parents not watch them on screen? Aren't they worried about portraying themselves as such on television? We are still in India and I don't buy that kids are off the hook when they turn 18. Yeah adults these days, do a number of things unknown to their parents and yeah they are legally adults and have rights to their ways, but isn't kissing and cuddling a guy on the national television taking it a bit too far? Looking at shows like this , "Splits Villa" and "The Big Boss" makes me wonder if I am really in India.

There are shows like the Indian Idol (The American Idol's Indian counterpart), The MasterChef and various other talent hunt and reality shows. I must admit that some of these are exemplary(like "The Chotte Ustad") and give people a setting to showcase their talents. And then there are shows like "The Roadies" and "Splits Villa" where there is no actual talent needed to win them (well, not if you consider being manipulative, bitchy, sassy, sexy and winning over boys and girls as talents). Above all I don't understand why people consider that participating and winning reality shows is all they are born for and without which they have no life. Oh you should listen to some dialogues where some people say becoming "Roadies" is their passion, their life's ambition and their destiny. I wonder where they learnt the meaning of such words, or if they are educated and mature at all?

Are we in a generation where we think being on screen is life enough? Are we developing an India on the pedestal of "Bollywood'? Why is it that this generation is behind making themselves seen on television and think that taking part in a reality show makes a career for them? And why are people broken when they lose a competition? Is that the end of life? Some of them are pathetic and I am really worried on the direction that our country is heading towards.

Attire Appropriate

2011-01-08T14:09:00.002+05:30

I had or rather am having this experience of meeting up clients as part of my job. I walked into a meeting room recently with my colleagues and was shocked to see one of the panel members from the customer's side garbed in shorts. This guy did not seem to care as he was rather comfortable in his attire. Dressing up is one's prerogative I agree. You dress, be nude, wear a rag or doll up nicely in channel. It is none of my concern, as long as it remains your exclusivity. When you step out to mingle with the crowd, especially in a professional setting, is expecting you to wear a pair of pants asking for too much? Whatever happened to dressing appropriately? You are in a formal meeting for god's sakes. It is like insulting the other people in the same room. Shorts are following us everywhere these days. I can even take guys shopping in shorts, going for a movie in shorts, dining in shorts, but attending a formal meeting in shorts? It has definitely gone too far there. This guy is an Indian, a professor in one of the prestigious Institutes of India, and he parades in shorts into a meeting. I have even heard that a lot of professors don shorts to classrooms these days. How great is that? Yes one has to wear clothes that they are comfortable in, but one cannot wear anything that pleases them anywhere right? When did shorts become part of formal wear? If so I can only feel sorry for all those men investing heavily to buy their Allen Solly's, Van Heusen's, Raymond's and Reid and Taylor's . If it was up to me I would not even do business with such unprofessional freaks. People are expected to act and look professional in a professional setting. Why can people not understand that? A meeting does not necessarily only mean talking formally, professionally and with loaded words. Would it be OK if we started using colloquial terms in meeting and addressing each other as "Machan" and "Machi" (words used among friends in South India, something in the lines of a friendly "Saala") while presenting the proposal? It is as insulting as using such terms when you walk into a meeting wearing shorts. Isn't dressing appropriately part of etiquette? Working in an international environment, or studying abroad, or staying abroad does not necessarily mean that we have to forget our roots. I don't think even people in America, where this attire was invented, would waltz into a meeting wearing shorts. Then why we, who are too keen in copying every single thing from them, forget what is imbibed into us from early childhood. Of course I am not saying formal clothing means wearing a suit complete with a tie. That again is something copied from the people who ruled us long back without really thinking how it would suit our climatic conditions. I really feel sorry for all men who has to go to work donned in a suit given the hot and humid conditions of most of the cities in our country. Is it only me or is it really getting on the nerves of others too? Am I asking for too much? Do I sound like a granny?

Another year has gone by

2010-12-31T16:59:00.002+05:30

with broken resolutions, promises seen through and broken, new relationships made and some broken, some success and some lessons learnt, a year older and hopefully a bit wiser, with new life on earth and old one's taken. All of us would have had gone through a lot of emotions this year and some of us would have emerged stronger and some caved in. This happens every year and every day in life. It is just the numbers that change and not the life in itself, unless we want it to. For me a new year is nothing different from a new day expect of course my birthday which falls on January. Every living day is full of surprises and presents us with a new challenge and new hurdle or a new gift. And we come out at the end of a day having accomplished the challenge or succumbing to its pressures. Tomorrow we are as a community stepping into yet another new day. How is it different from all the other days we have woken up to so far? The difference is in our mind. All of us associate this year to something positive. A fresh start in life. A slate erased of its scribbles and starting anew. Though it is the same, day in and day out, this day has the advantage of dawning in a new year. That somehow has the charm of turning Jan 1st a more positive day than any other. A day where you look back at the 365 days you have lived so far and reminisce the life you have lived. Cry over lost causes, over lost love and boyfriends/girlfriends, over lost friends, lost loved ones, a lost puppy, a lost job, smile over a new relationship, a new job, a new career, a new pay, a new addition to the family, a new house, a new vehicle and maybe a new you. This is a time where you will yourself to learn that lesson and turn a new leaf and lead a better life than before.

As always I have had many resolutions and broken most of them before the month was over and had my share of smiles and bout of tears in 2010.

My Best Friend got married this year and it was one of those moments where you feel all the emotions in the world.

I tested the waters of a different career path this year and came back with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek.

The biggest joy of my life, the much awaited birth of my nephew happened this year and I cannot believe he is nine months old already.

My best gal pal, my confidante, a pillar on which I lean often left me and her hubby to a better company this year. It is like losing a limb. No one can replace a girl friend in a girl's life especially when we share a great bond and have almost the same vibes.

This year also saw some of my good colleagues moving to better pastures. One of whom is my mentor who taught me the tricks of the trade. We had been a great team and to see it dismantle sometimes do break my heart

A bad bad year health wise for me as I had fallen sick the most this year than any other.

Work wise not a good start but a better finish. Waiting to see how this shapes out in the following year.

A bit of fall there and a bit of climb here. Well that's how this year has been for me. Got to know some new people, got to work in a new team, read some amazing new blogs, contributed far less to my own blog, learnt things about some of whom I thought I knew well, been/being a silent spectator to many a drama around me, embarked upon a nervous journey, been a better person than before, matured a bit more, learnt/learning a lot from other's way of life, and more importantly learnt to deal with life as it comes. In the coming year I am hoping to shed a lot of extra pounds, to stay focused at work, to stay positive, to manage time better, to contribute more to the society, to be more human than I am, to be more self sufficient and giving, to know more people, to learn a lot of new things, to be a better daughter, a better sister and a better friend, most importantly to live in the present and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

To all of you, I wish a better year forward than the one we are shedding and a better life. Let your wishes come true and let you all strive to be a better person than you are. Let us all be self sufficient and give back a little something to our community. Let us stop being negative and stop whining that we couldn't buy a new pair of shoes and start being positive and contribute to the society. May we stop spitting on the roads, start adhering to traffic signals(even at 11 in the night), stop and help someone in distress, take a minute to laugh at something silly, take a moment to talk to our parents, and more importantly respect each other. Let we all be reminded that each of us are made of flesh and blood and that everyone has wishes and has sacrificed a little something in their life. Let we all respect the wishes of others, be more humane and lead a good life. Let's raise out glasses to the fellow human, for what they are and celebrate life with hopes of a better tomorrow. Wish you all a happy, joyful, positive, sparkling, shimmering new year. Love thy neighbors and love thy life.

Decisions

2010-07-20T23:16:00.000+05:30

At every stage in life we are bound to make some decisions. When you were a child, you parents made these decisions for you. Well back then they were mere choices which mostly revolved around what is best for their child. They got to decide your name, your pediatrician, the school you went, the colors you wore, the activities you participated in and so on. As we grew up slowly we started to make some decisions on our own. It started with things as simple as what we wanted for dinner, to what we would buy for the next festival and ranged to life altering decisions like what we take up as our specialized subject in high school. Though this gets to be decided by parents in most cases, I see this trend changing slowly so I am segregating this as a decision we take. Whether we pursue the subject as our career is a different subject altogether. But we do stand at a fork in life a make that decision. It's life altering since, everything you do afterwards is steered by this decision you have made.

I have been seeing this TV series "The Fringe", which is a sci-fi series revolving around parallel universe. The concept is that there exists a parallel universe exactly like ours and all of us have a double there. But the course of actions that happen in these two universes might differ depending on the decisions made by the individuals in the respective universe. One of the characters in this series would say that life is like a directed graph, one line can potentially have multiple different nodes taking off in different directions. And each of these nodes may direct into multiple other nodes. The path you decide to take leads you to a different place altogether. One fine morning a bunch of people woke up and decided to go to work, whereas another bunch decided to take off. All of them worked at the World Trade Center. Those who decided to take off, actually decided to live longer. A decision that was probably simpler ended up saving their lives. Imagine their emotional high when they heard the news. I cannot even begin to describe.

Life can be so complex in its simple ways. All the decisions we make in life mean something or the other. There is some one who is always benefited or otherwise because of the decisions we make in life. And most often than not its our own life that we are affecting either in a good way or bad by making those decisions. I have always made impulsive decisions in life. When I sit back and think, I sometimes wonder if things could have been different had I made a different decision. But then sometimes it becomes useless pondering over decisions made eons ago. Fortunately or Unfortunately our life does not have an undo button. So all we can do is move on even if we know we have made the wrong decisions in life. Why am I rambling about decisions here? Yes you are right. I have been procrastinating something for a very long time and every time I end up giving myself some reason for doing so. So a decision is awaiting my verdict, and I have to make it soon, for my benefit and for the benefit of many others. I hope I have the courage and the faith to make it this time. I really want to as I have been dragging my feet on this for too long now.

Tagged away..

2010-06-29T12:27:00.020+05:30

I have been tagged by Preeti. Well, its more of a take away tag, but with some interesting questions. Just needed an excuse to blog you see.. He he he.....Here I go rambling in my second tag :) a little more about me.

1. What curse word do you use the most?

What the hell? and S**t. I often cover up the S word with Shucks.

2. Do you own an iPod?

Yup. Can't say I own it as its swiped it from my friend (knowingly of course) :)

3. What person do you talk to on the phone the most?

My friend Giri

4. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?

Oh yeah :)

5. Do you remember where you were on 11/9/01?

At home watching the news.

6. What was the last movie you watched?

Serendipity - John Cussack was cute and yummy. Amazing guys can look so cute. His eyes were enthralling

7. Has anyone ever called you lazy?

Oh yeah everyone right from my mom to my boss to my friends and I hear it almost everyday.

Its like my tag line. :).Anusha- The lazy gal ever made on earth :)

8. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?

Nope not until now

9. Has anyone told you a secret this week?

Yup I guess.

10. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

The smile and the eyes. And then of course the height and the physique. I like tall and slightly dark guys

with a nice smile that twinkles in the eyes. Oh my have I given away too much :))

11. What are you looking forward to?

Spending time with my nephew. Now its become more of an obsession for me :)

12. Do you own any band t-shirts?

Nope. Am actually not the band kind of person. I hardly ever listen to western music.

13. What will you be doing in one hour?

Eating Probably.

14. Is anyone in love with you?

Of course yeah. Mon amigos and ma family :)

15. Last time you cried?

Last week. My nephew was hospitalized and its heart wrenching to be in a children's hospital looking at all those innocent tiny little angles with IV's.

16. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?

Laptop

17. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

Nope. Not much into it though. But might pierce my ear lobes one day. Might....

18. Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos?

Yikes no.

19. What were you doing before this?

Working

20. When is the last time you slept on the floor?

A month back.

21. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

Min 6 hours of sound sleep, not including the 2 hours it takes for me to get there :). I will be all groggy and sleepy otherwise and my whole system will go for a toss.

22. Do you eat breakfast daily?

Yup.

Now all those who are reading this please feel free to take this up and do. Might be an interesting thing to do.

The prince has arrived!!!

2010-05-05T13:44:00.000+05:30

A new addition to the family. A cute little boy has arrived to bring joy to our family. He is my nephew and am extremely happy to have been promoted as aunt. Oh what fun it is to have a baby in the house. Of course, it ain't easy to take care of a baby,but the joy the child brings with him cannot be described in words. He is my elder sister's first son and the first grandchild to the family (both sides). No wonder he is the "Prince" of the family. He has already started twisting us all in his fingers and I am enjoying every moment I spend with him.

Child birth is a miracle. No one but the mother and the immediate family can understand the pain and stress it takes to give birth to a child. And when it happens the feeling is beyond description. My sister's pregnancy was not smooth and had complications. So the stress levels were higher than normal. And finally when the doctor showed us the kid, all of us had the feeling that we can go through this a hundred times to see the tiny little form kicking and crying marking its arrival on the earth. Who would have taught a new born baby to breathe, to cry, to smile, to feed? An amazing amazing creation beyond the grasp of us mortal beings.

It's an amazing experience to see the grandparents pet their grandchild. All old people live for this very moment in their lives. You cannot really understand this unless you are there looking at your father and mother playing with their grandchild and petting him. I have never seen my dad pet any kid. My mom says it was only us (My sister and I) who had that privilege. Well now I get to see him play with his grandchild everyday. What better gift can anyone give their parents. No wonder mom's and dad's start yearning for a grandchild immediately after getting their kids married. This is all they are living their lives for. For the moment those tiny little eyes look at them, the tiny little hand grope over their body, those tiny little feet kick their chest. We are all extremely overjoyed that the moment has finally arrived.

I am a proud proud aunt now. And I have vowed to my sister that I am going to spoil my nephew with all my love. What are aunts for after all? There is no doubt that he is going to be one immensely loved baby in the family and I wish him good health,good life and lots of smiles and joy in his life to come. Love you my sweetheart. Welcome to the family.

Power of Thoughts and Words

2010-04-10T21:25:00.005+05:30

I recently read "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown. I like all his books. The way in which he captivates the reader is amazing. In this particular book, the concept was about the power of thoughts. One of the lead characters in the book is a scientist doing research on the capability of human brain. More specifically, the power of our thoughts. The book describes that with concentration and focus, we can achieve almost anything just by the constant cajoling of our brains. For instance, by concentrating and focusing we can make something move, without touching it, just by the power of our thoughts. This is something that has been in existence all throughout. Meditation, yoga, group prayers, music therapy, hypnotism are all living examples of the power of human minds and their potential to do almost anything. All it takes is the willingness to do something and the right attitude and some effort.There is indeed a science that deals with this - Noetic Science. This is something described in the book and forms the basis of the plot. I was truly fascinated with some instances quoted in the book. If you are some one who loves to read, I think you will be fascinated too.

I was always fascinated by the human mind and wanted to become a psychologist. I was not that driven to pursue the science, but the interest remains till date. Recently I came upon this article in my office magazine, that talked about a Japanese scientist proving the very fact. He apparently had two containers of boiled rice, one labelled as "I Love You" and the other as "I Hate you". He spoke to the two bottles daily. Pleasing and loving words to one bottle and words of hatred to the other. After 30 days, the bottle that heard words of hatred was spoiled and turned black in color, while the one which was spoken to lovingly remained nice and white. Such is the power of words. This was also experimentally proven by many botanists who proved that talking lovingly to plants will make them healthy and grow faster. One of my colleagues practices this in his garden and has seen results.

My mom came across this music CD by a doctor, who has proven that certain music is good for the baby living in the mother's womb. There are loads of other such music therapy available for various other ailments. If we can coax the mind of a baby in the womb, imagine what can be done with the thoughts of million living souls on earth. Even the Indian mythology talks about preaching to the baby in the womb. There is this instance in the epic Mahabharata where "Abhimanyu", son of "Arjuna" will be taught to enter the "Chakra Vyugam" by Lord Krishna. He was only taught to enter the "vyugam" and not exit it, because of which he loses his life. Capitivating mind by words was something that has been in existence since the existence of human life. Whether the epic Mahabharata really happened or its just a story is something very trivial here. What is more important is the fact that our ancestors were aware of the power of words and thoughts and this is evident from this instance. There are many such instances throughout our history. Such is the power of our mind and words. In many instances in my life I have learned that negativity only pulls us down. No matter what or who is the wrong doer, if even a tiny bit of negativity creeps into our mind, the day is gone. No one but us are at loss. This I have learnt by experience and am still learning.

I am not a religious person. I am not an atheist either. I don't make an effort to pray or visit a temple to be reminded of god. I believe in the existence of a super power without which our existence is out of question. I always am in a constant battle of whether it is the Darwin's theory of evolution or Adam and Eve or Lord Brahma's power of creation that had created the universe. That probably might be a never ending battle within me. But of late, I have been practicing meditation for a minute before I leave home and it has proven to be effective. The day has been positive for me and I myself have certain positive feeling in me. This can be called anything, but the bottom line is this, channelize the thoughts and words in a more constructive and positive way and you can definitely feel the difference. I have been hearing and reading about this very concept again and again in various means of late, that I decided to write this post and share it with you all.

There is so much in this world that are beyond our grasp. But then there are these things that can not only be grasped, but also be molded the way we want to. What a weird creature man is! And even more weirder is his mind. An amazing and ingenious creation of a master inventor. We all have our own identity of the creator, but what is created is beyond anyone's imagination and grasp. What we can do though, is put it to use in the right way and do a little something and help a little someone.

Wondering Why???

2010-04-07T08:06:00.001+05:30

Two posts in two days. I am on a roll here. This is a long overdue post and it has finally found its way into the web. Well let me give a brief intro to what I am about to wonder.I am wondering why marriage brings out a different person in everyone involved? Right from the couple to the in-laws. The dormant personality comes out in everyone. Why is it?

A guy who has never been into the kitchen in his entire life suddenly tries to help his bride soon after his marriage. No wonder why all moms-in-law get antsy with their daughters-in-law. Am not saying this is wrong. But all am asking is why does a guy never think of the fact that his mom, much much older than his wife, had been toiling in the same kitchen all these years without any assistance from her husband or son whatsoever. Again am not sure if all guys are like this, but I have seen a lot of instances where this has happened. A major cause for the instant hatred from the mom-in-law.

Now lets pan the camera on the bride. The girls suddenly want their husbands to be with them all through the day. The guys should not have a life outside their marriage. They should give up their hobbies, friends, interests and all they have to do is spend time with their wives. Now isn't that too much to ask? Imagine, there was this guy who has a lot of friends, who loves being outdoors, hanging out with friends. Why would you want him to give up all that just because he is married to you? I am not saying he should always be let to do what he wants, but he needs his space too right. I know that a girl comes into a new strange family where her only solace is her better half. But then again a guy's got to live his life too right?

The same goes for the girl too. She has come to an unknown territory, trying to learn the ropes of the trade. And why is it that the guys get irritated over the fact that she yearns to visit her parents often? Man she has given up everything for you and why can't you give up this one little thing. To heck with society and their set ways. She has a life too just as you do. She too has the same yearnings to spend time with her friends, continue her hobbies and do what she likes to do. Kitchen is not all that is there for her to do. And why is it that you think that is all she has been married to do? And most guys won't talk the issue. They expect their wives to understand the silent words. How pathetic? And dude, the television set is not what you have been married to.

Now comes the famous mother-in-law. She is a woman too. She has a daughter too. But she cannot treat her daughter-in-law the same as her son or daughter. When it comes to the daughter-in-law, all rules are meant to be broken. She will fuss if her daughter doesn't come and visit her often from her in-laws place, but will be irritated with her daughter-in-law if she wants to visit her parents. I really don't know who creates all these rules. A mom will be the best mom for her sons and daughters but a bad mom-in-law for her daughter-in-law. Why is that??? All mom's let their daughter have their way with them. A daughter can sleep as long as she wishes. A mom will fret over her daughter when she leaves for work. She will wait up to serve her kid dinner. But all this will fly out of the window for a daughter-in-law.

All of us are hypocrites. We want what we want. We are all selfish. This is what is clear to me from all those that I have written above. But why? Is life meant to be such a tough act. Why can't we all not realize that we are not donning a role in a stage, but rather living a life and be truthful to ourselves. Each of us have a life. Married or unmarried. Our relationships play a major part in our life and yes we live for someone. But then we have our own lives too right? So why this hypocrisy.

Why can't we just let others be? Why do we expect others to live our dreams? Why can't we respect the fact that they have a dream of their own and why can we not bend a little and give them a hand in realizing those dreams? I am not married. But I have been seeing it all around me. I know you guys telling "You will know when you take the field". I am not denying that. But all I am saying is, why don't we all live lives the way it is meant to be? Happy and real. Do we really have to change ourselves and others in the process to achieve what we think is happiness? I would like to differ here.

Directions

2010-04-02T11:52:00.023+05:30

   I am a good driver. At least I think so. I would remember a place from the first time I visit it. I am good with directions, when I have visited a place. Even otherwise, I will manage to find my way. This might sound egoistic but I take pride in this fact. Might sound kiddish, but that's me :). Every time I venture out on my bike to some place new, I have this ego kicking in. I would try to reach the destination all by myself without asking for help. Well, you can call that one of my quirks. I would go round and round, but eventually manage to find the place and get there. I make sure I leave early when such a venture happens since I eventually land up taking an hour to reach a destination which would normally have taken about 15 to 20 mins. But then, I would be proud over the fact that I made it yet again. There is this adrenalin kicking in within me during every such venture. Some of my friends have experienced this with me. Poor things!! :).

   A few years back, my friend Giri and I were chatting away to glory and somehow landed up on this very topic of directions. He told me an interesting method to find my way out when I am lost. Till this day, this has always helped me. This is no fool proof way. This might not work always, but with a little common sense from our part will can help ourselves with this method of finding our way out. When you are on your way to some place and are groping to find the spot, go in a left, right, left, right mode. You will eventually reach your destination. For this to work, of course you should at least have a vague knowledge of the geography of the area. And of course you can't take every left and every right. If you think about it, this is simple math. This will avoid you from going in circles in the same place. Even yesterday, I was caught up in a traffic jam. And to avoid being stuck in the same place, I took a different road which was not familiar to me and I applied this logic and found myself in a familiar locality.

This is definitely one of my quirks, and possibly a weird one at that. Anyways, does anyone share this quirk? Or anything more weirder? What do you think about this? Crazy huh???

Dilemma

2010-03-20T21:12:00.005+05:30

I have my views on many things in life. But I often run the risk of conflicting those of people I know. They can be my friends, my colleagues, family friends or my relatives. Even now I have so many thoughts queued up in my brain crying to be let out. Some of it might offend my friends cos it's against what they are practicing. It's not like any flaws or anything but certain general aspects of life that some people follow trigger a spark in me and there goes on a bright red light in my head crying out loud against it. Should I still go ahead and say it out loud? Should I fight a battle on those views? Is it worth it? I don't know. I seriously don't. I have always spoken my mind. But not many would welcome it and accept it on its face value. I have had those fights with my friends where I have stood my ground and they theirs, in the end leaving the issue where it started. Unresolved!!

Right now what I want to spit out and banter my thoughts on are delicate things. I might step on some toes there. I might just cross some lines there. But I would be voicing my views. Views that are there no matter who practices what. So my question is should I go on saying them out loud here in the blog space? Is it ok even If I know for a fact that it might hurt or offend a few of whom I would be seeing very often and who are my friends. I don't really know. I know this is my space and I can say anything I want. But still there is this unsee-able boundary in my mind that I do not want to cross and create issues that might not be worth it in the end. So am confused here. What do you think I should be doing?

My Best Friend's wedding

2010-02-18T20:35:00.002+05:30

Today is the wedding day of my best friend Giri and I am just back from the celebrations and sitting here typing this out before all my emotions ebb (I doubt it will ever). It was a beautiful event that will stay in my memory forever for various reasons. For one thing, this is my best friend's wedding day and also the day where two of my good friends got married to each other and for another I met and got to spend time with some of my friends after nearly 10 years. Giri and I have known each other for over 16 years now. We have been best of friends for over 5 years now. Since I am not able to find an apt word that describes our relationship better I am calling him my best friend. Obviously he is more than that to me. The bride is also one of my close friends and I can assure her that she cannot find anyone so perfect for her than Giri. I wish them all the very best in their life and pray that they be blessed with a peaceful, content and a loving life for a long time to come.

I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends whom I can lean on no matter what (touch wood) and Giri is one among them. He is one of a kind and to have him as one's friend is to have unconditional love, faith, trust and honesty by one's side. There were times when I might have doubted all this, but he was patient, stuck with me and saw me through. He is one of the best things that happened in my life. In all relationships there will be a testing time. Ours was no different. But he made sure that we cross that phase. Now he is more than a just a friend to me. He is family and I can proudly say that I am one in their family too. He has such a beautiful family. A lovely and loving mom who can cater to any soul on earth. A beautiful, pleasant and amazingly devoted sister that anyone would crave for. She would kill for her brother. Such is her love for Giri. And a charming, lovely, pretty niece who will win a million hearts. Yeah she is now my best friend too. And now my other friend has also become part of this beautiful family. She is a great girl and I am sure she will fit seamlessly into this family.

I can go on writing, but I know I have to contain myself. To put it all in a nutshell, this day is as much important to me as for him and her. I am thankful for being blessed with such a great friend in my life. I am thankful for being blessed with a bunch of wonderful friends. This is wishing you, Durga and Giri, all my love and good wishes for you two to have a wonderful wonderful long life together.

Growing up

2010-01-17T20:37:00.006+05:30

Growing up was fun for me. I grew up surrounded by my relatives. Though we were not in a joint family, every weekend and every holiday was spent in my grandma's house where my cousin, my sister and I did some notorious things. My cousin was the eldest and being a guy, he obviously was the most mischievous of the lot. He used to coax us into doing things that invariably led us into trouble with the elders. My uncle used to have a printing press on the terrace of our grandma's house. The press was a hut like structure whose roof was made of dried hay. My cousin once found a bottle of kerosene and being in the age where we were curious to try anything and everything, the three of us poured the kerosene just outside the press and set it on fire. It was put out just in time by my uncle who was passing that way. What followed is history.

We were the protagonists for lot of such stories. To reminisce about those now is a special feeling in itself. Once my cousin made me put my finger into a bulb holder, all the while tempting me that it feels "chilly" inside. I was too young to argue, he being the bigger one, our role model and all that, I obliged. The devil, that he was, then turned on the switch and I got the shock of my life. Well then, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience as he was trashed by my aunt. Looking back, I cannot help but smile at those fond memories. It's only things like these that leave a lasting impression on your mind and be book marked forever, where you can always revert and refresh those memories.

Ours is a big family. Both on my mom's side and on my dad's side. My mom has 8 siblings and my dad 7. With each of these families put together, it is one big family that fits perfectly in a single compartment in a train. And it goes without saying that when we all get together for an occasion, the place just explodes. My uncle would quote "Venkala kadaila yanna pungutha mathiri", literally translated to "It's like an elephant barging into a utensils shop". Imagine the chaos and the riot it turns out to be. These times present themselves as immense fun to us. It is good to have our roots firm in the ground. I am not the type of person who visits all my aunts and uncles and stay in touch with all my cousins. But I do enjoy the occasional get together that is filled with chit-chats, laughter, leg-pullings and above all liveliness. We all have our differences, yet we come together to make something happen. It's a pity that today people are distanced from these very roots. I am sad to see people no longer giving value to family and it's roots. We are scattered across the universe and hardly find time to interact. The memory of my grandma giving food to us on our hand, while we sat around her bugging for her to tell us stories is still green and alive. How many kids today, have even heard a single story from their grand parents? How many kids these days stay at their grand parents house for holidays? How many kids these days know their cousin, non-virtually?

I sometimes yearn for a world without electronic media. It's a world that is real. It's a world that wills us to make the effort to travel and visit our near and dear ones. It's a world where we are not piled beneath the pretext of work and stress. I wish for those days to return when the kids were surrounded by their aunts and uncles and grandma's and grandpa's. Then growing up was fun. Now it seems more like an effort.

2009 - A retrospection

2009-12-31T23:02:00.002+05:30

2009 has been an eventful year in my life. And here I am, trying to capture as many memories as I can of the year that is about to go by. There were happy moments and sad moments. Moments that gave me the high and moments that brought me down. I was definitely on a roller coaster ride as far as 2009 was concerned.

It all started out with a great trip to coorg, Karnataka. The first ever new year I spent with my friends. And my first ever attempt at river rafting. It was an exciting start to a new year. A year started out with my favorite black forest cake and sparklers on the sky.

Guess what, I started blogging this year :). This has been a wonderful experience for me. Blogging gave me the chance to vent out my emotions and I also had the privileged chance of meeting some amazing writers in this space. And I am still trying to absorb it all in here.

This year has seen me a lot in theaters. Capped it with AVATAR. Well, what else can be a fitting adieu to a year that had not been that good personally for me :).

This year has seen some of my relationships grow stronger and some strained. It has definitely taught me the value of life. I lost a friend and it had definitely thrown light on so many things that I had taken for granted. It always hurts to lose someone, no matter how well or otherwise you know them. Life is worth a lot more. This definitely had been a stressful year for me and I have been through emotional hell as I had lost something very dear to me. But then life has to go on. You cannot afford to be in mulch for too long. And I sailed, or rather I am trying to sail away from it, trying to gain composure and strength out of the very life. Things haven't been all that bright and sparky at the work front too. It has had its own ups and downs. Mostly downs though. So all in all a year that could have been way better.

2009 has literally zipped past in lightning speed. And at the rate time is flying, we might soon end up wishing a new dawn instead of a new year. As always all my resolutions have seen no light and all the vows I have made have been broken. So this year had been no different from any other at that. :)

I am hoping that the new dawn in 2010 brings with it new hopes and desires for all of us to cherish and live our lives for. I wish to be a better person, than I am, in the coming year. I wish I could bring happiness to the lives I come across and that I cause no aches. I wish that the universe sees a hoarde of good people, kind people and people who can ease the pain of a million others. I wish we all stick together to make this a habitable planet. May we all cater to nature and may we make our planet greener. May all of us be blessed with more courage, patience, endurance and love. May all our dreams come true and may we all go back to sleep each day with a smile on our faces. Wish you all a very happy, prosperous and a hopeful 2010.

A try at optimism

2009-08-25T19:13:00.016+05:30

Enough is enough. I have been filling this blog with too much negativity. Not just this blog but my mind too. Am calling it a day for being pessimistic. Not that I have sat underneath a tree and gotten all wise, it's just that I am fed up with myself and have been thinking through things some people, out of their good intentions, have said. It all adds up. Am not going to change overnight. I would only be fooling myself if I said so. But I have been trying to channelize my thoughts on a positive direction and this post is the beginning. I have been traveling a road that led nowhere. No I have decided to call it quits. I am just gonna take a different road in life, anticipating where it is gonna lead me. A recent incident in my life has thrown so many things into perspective. Those that I knew, but never bothered to act upon for so long. Well I am gonna leave this post with this poem. Here's to all those adventures we embark upon in life. Here's to all the bright sunny mornings in our life. Here's to life in itself. Here's to the beginning of a positive post. Let's just say I hope to stick on to it.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both.

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Rest in peace my dear friend

2009-08-20T11:48:00.007+05:30

I have lost a friend. It came out of the blue. I still cannot believe she is no more. But her life on earth is over. A young, energetic person who cares and tends to every soul she comes across. Its amazing that she can befriend anyone. She had made her life a success out of her sheer perseverance and hard work. I salute her for that. She is an ideal friend one could have. She would go out of her way to get you something if you are her friend. An amazing daughter to have doted on her parents and have been their strength. An amazing human being to have lived on this planet.

Her sudden departure had thrown light on so many trivial things in life that I have taken for granted. I know her from college. We were a group of six. Initially it was all so joyous for us. We hung out in any one of our houses and we had a lot of fun together. Anything we did, we did together. Then slowly things changed. Some of us became closer. Some drifted off. She was one of those that drifted off. Or rather made to drift off. And we didn't stop her. We were too young to think. Too young to understand what friendship really meant. We took things for granted and slowly, this group of six became a group of four. Till this day we are. Nothing great happened for this break up. Silly misunderstandings and possessiveness that seemed too big for us then. Thinking back, we would laugh at ourselves for being so silly and childish. But then, when your world is your friends, it was the only thing that mattered and we moved on, not bothering to stop and hold out a hand to those who stayed back. We kept moving on. She was left behind. She moved on with her life. We were busy with ours. We bump into each other on occasions where we kept moving on with a polite smile and the usual Hi's and hello's and how are yous? None of us made that attempt or the effort to make it better. We were content with the way things were. We simply took it for granted, that we would keep seeing each other like this and things will continue to be peaceful.

Recently I bumped into her on Orkut and we simply exchanged the usual pleasantries. Nothing bloomed out of it though. Few days after that I get the news that she is no more. I was too shocked to react. I am sitting here now pondering over life, after having attended her funeral. I wish we had sorted out things. I wish we all hung out together happily like we used to. I wish we had the maturity to have reached out. I wish I didn't have to write this now. She is gone. We never will get to say things we wanted to say ever. What's the point though to all these wishes of mine. She cannot hear or read or say anything about any of these. I feel bad for having missed a person in my life. We run behind so many things and miss these trivial facts of life. We still keep running. Why don't we stop, pause and take a moment to catch up before we run any further. Life is too short to keep running behind things that will never define us, nor accompany us to the grave. At least we can try to leave behind fond memories. At least we can save ourselves from self pity. At least we can assure ourselves that we have made a difference in some one's life. Don't take life for granted and miss out on those trivial facts of life. Don't hesitate now, to say you care to someone who matters to you. Its no use crying over spilt milk. I am doing that now and I know how horrible it is.

I wish peace for her for wherever she might be. I wish peace for her family. May her soul rest in peace.

Ramblings of a confounded mind.

2009-08-05T19:44:00.007+05:30

Caught up in a web. Layer after layer, the thread is spinning around. I let it spin. I let it immerse me in the criss-cross zig-zag pattern. I do not protest. I do not ask it to stop. I let it entangle me. My breath is labored. But I do not make it stop. I can, but I do not. I just watch in silence as the web devours me. I am too shocked, too confused, too tangled up in the mess, to untangle myself. Its gaining momentum. Slowly, step by step. Taking its own sweet time. Soon I'll drown. I rake in pain. Yet, I am immobilized. I don't as much lift a finger to make this stop.

It is a free fall. I keep falling deep into the abyss. It is dark around. I do not stop to think. I just keep falling. There is no destination. I do not know what waits beneath. Is this an ocean, a cavern or a gorge? I do not know. I feel like I am defying gravity. As I fall, the distance to contact keeps lengthening. The fall doesn't stop. The destination is no where in sight. I grope in the dark. Am not frightened. Am not curious. Am neither enjoying nor detesting this. I have no feeling. I don't think I care.

Miracles do happen.

2009-06-27T19:02:00.024+05:30

When is the last time, you have lost your wallet, fully loaded with all the credit, debit cards, license, pan card et all and have found it back intact. I did, a few weeks back. I had to travel in a city bus after a long time (got used to traveling by bike and am known for my clumsiness with stuff). I dutifully bought the ticket and put the wallet back in my handbag. At least I thought so. I got down in my stop and had to catch another bus. I boarded this second bus and was reaching for my wallet to get the tickets. Lo and behold, it was not there. I just jumped off the bus (just imagine!!!) and frantically searched through the massive contents of my handbag (You wont believe how a girl loads up her hand bag), but to no avail. My wallet was nowhere to be found. I quickly hot listed all my cards. My dad and I then went to the bus terminus hoping that some good citizen would have found the wallet and had returned it to the terminus. (By now I was sure my wallet was not "picked" cos my hand bag was intact. Only my wallet was missing and I must have dropped it in the first bus after having bought the ticket). The people at the terminus had not received any such "orphaned" wallets. By now I have lost all hopes of finding it. So my dad and I decided to file an FIR in the nearby police station, since you need one to get a copy of the license and pan card. But they needed the license number to file the FIR. I had it back home. So we decided we would come by the following day (It was a Sunday) and file the FIR. What nuisance I have put myself into?

I wake up the next morning and I receive a call in my mobile. The caller identified me by my name and said that he had found my wallet in the bus in which he was serving as a conductor. He graciously offered to bring my wallet to a bus terminus near my home. To say I was elated would be an understatement. I just couldn't believe my luck. We then fixed up a time and I met him at the said time and got back my wallet, with all its contents intact. He had found it beneath the seat in the bus at 11 pm when his shift got over. He had found my mobile number in the membership card of my beauty salon (a girls membership to a beauty salon pays off you see). I thanked him immensely and he refused anything in return for his help. He just said he understood the importance of the contents of my wallet and was happy that he could be of help.

The fact that a total stranger, had gone to such lengths to return the property of an unknown person has had me stunned. How many of us would have done that. Sometimes it amazes me how some one who is totally unrelated, does a little act of kindness and thereby remains there in your memory forever. This person, who is related to me by the race (human) I belong, is a miracle maker for me.

Venting it out...

2009-06-13T11:57:00.006+05:30

An idle mind is a devil's workshop. My mind is not idle, but it is working non stop, round the clock as if it has become a slave of the devil himself. What do we do to let out our anger, our frustrations, our trails and tribulations. We shout at the top of our voices to the person who is responsible, or if that person is not available, we show it to some one in our immediate vicinity. What do we do when none of that is possible? How do we vent out our frustrations when the cause is intangible? Its not exactly intangible, but situation and the surroundings make it intangible. We can of course talk it all out to people, who can understand the situation. What if there is no one to understand what you are feeling? Its worse when no one can relate to what you are going through. Isn't this a dreading situation?

Its easy for people to share the joys and sorrows that happen in life. But it is very difficult, almost impossible, to share the frustrations one goes through,as it needs a perfect emotional understanding. What seems to be frustrating to me might be mocked up by others. Life is tough as it is, without having to go through these phases. But then, again, what is life without all these spices? As I type this words keep eluding me, cos finding words to emote frustration and irritation is as much difficult as expressing them to a person who cannot relate to that. How do we handle such situations? This post is an outlet for me to vent out the steam broiling in me. I hope it does.

My Dad - An epitome of life.

2009-05-23T20:59:00.008+05:30

I wanted to write this post long back, but never really found the time or the right words. Even now am pretty sure words are gonna fail me, but still I am writing this as a tribute to the man who introduced me to this world.

For me my dad is my idol. We don't interact a lot, but we do realize that strong bond that runs underneath the aloof facade. I have taken to a lot of habits and characteristics after my dad. I am an introvert like him, I like to fiddle with things like him, I have distinct postures like him and many more. But this post is not about our likeliness, so let me move on to what I wanted to say.

My dad is nearly 70 and I respect this man immensely for a lot of his qualities. He is the eldest son of his house and had to shoulder responsibilities of, quite a large family, from a very young age. He gave up his studies for that. But then, academics never really define the intelligence of a person. He is extremely intelligent. If he observes something for sometime, then no one can better him at that. If some one says "you can't", he will not sleep until he proves them wrong. He is also humble in accepting his defeat if he loses, which is very rare though.

Even today, he gets up early in the morning(even before my mom does) and takes equal part in doing the chores at home. He can never sit around lazily. He can do everything and even more, than a woman can, to run a family. And I have never seen him feeling ashamed or anything for that. Actually he is proud and happy to help my mom. I should say she is one lucky woman :). May be in our times it is common for the husband to help his wife in doing the chores at home, but seeing my dad, a man of yesteryear do these, makes me feel proud to be his daughter.

He is extremely resilient at this age. He is also a pro active and hyper active person. When he starts to do something, he will not quit until its done. Recently we were shifting our residence and my dad took care of almost the entire packing. Once we relocated, he took care of setting up our new home. Its all about that inner strength and the never give up until its done attitude, and his love for us, that keeps him going.

I have learnt so many qualities from this man, whose world is his home. He lives for us. He never says no to either me or my sister when we ask him something. Its not like he gives because he has. The fact is that he doesn't have, but yet he has brought us up like princesses. For him and my mom we are.

He has struggled a lot in his life. And the least I can do for him is to keep him happy. I am so proud of him and am extremely lucky to be his daughter. He means the world to me and I wish he gets all the happiness in his life. He is my idol and I am still learning to be strong like him. I dedicate this post to him. What I have written here never really describes him completely and if I try I will only fail. I will always look up to him and live my life by example. What more can I ask, for I have the most wonderful parents any one can have. Love you dad.

Life is but a dream

2009-04-17T21:30:00.020+05:30

This line has been haunting me all day long. I couldn't quite place it. It is familiar, but I was not sure where I have heard this. In the end, I had to resort to Google to place this nursery rhyme most of us are aware of. Here goes...

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

I was not aware of the meaning of this rhyme then, when I merrily merrily sang and danced away with my fellow toddlers. But now when I look at these verses, it does makes sense to me. My interpretation is that, we row our boats, as in us - the living beings, in the stream of life. The course of the stream is unpredictable. So is its nature. It can be serene and calm at one time. And full of turbulence at another time. We are not aware of the destinations we might reach. Neither do we know, when that destination is due. With all these uncertainties prevailing around, let's take the trip merrily cos life is nothing but a dream. A dream or a nightmare that mirrors the happenings of our life. A dream that will end soon and we will be facing a new dawn with a new dream. The philosophy of this life is simple as described by this saying "Even this shall pass". How very true. Everything shall pass. The joys, the sorrows, the love, the hatred, the friend, the foe, all shall pass. What we have as ours today is someone's tomorrow. What we own today, is long gone by the sunrise. The next minute is not certain. For all I know this might be my last post. So let's treat all these faces of life similarly, attributing them to a dream, cos we are not aware of whats lying beyond.

Well, its just my interpretation. I am not sure if the poet meant it this way. But I like mine :). So what do you think? What's your boat, your stream and your dream?

My haven for life

2009-04-05T11:19:00.006+05:30

I recently had this conversation with one of my friends, who is planning on going abroad. Primarily because he wants a change and also to earn his bread and butter. Though the second reason is not his motivating factor, he wants to go. He was asking if I would like to come too. I said jocularly, you go, get me a job and I will follow suit.

Do I want to go? Do I have it in me to leave this place where I have born, been brought up and have now become a part of? I would say no. Not if I am paid a king's salary. There are a multitude of reasons of why I would not do it. The main reason being, If I leave here, I would feel like I have lost my essence. Traveling is one thing, but when it comes to pack my bags to settle abroad to earn my living, I don't have the courage in me to do it. Why, one might ask. Well, read on to know why.

When I grew up, I grew up with my surroundings. The din that surrounds me, though it drives me crazy at times, marks my territory. I love silence, but I cannot live without this din that surrounds me. Call me crazy, but ask any person who lives here, they ll tell you so. When I wake up in the morning, I wake up to the buzz of my mom rattling away in the kitchen, with wonderful aromas rising from it. Where will I get this pleasure of waking up to the sound of tempering in my kitchen. Nowhere but my homeland. Where can I wake up in the morning, but for my country, with the wail of the neighboring infant, the distant chime of the temple bells, the bong of the church, the morning prayer from a mecca, the strong aroma of filter coffee, television sets blaring with a cosmopolitan mixture of sounds, mooing of a cow in the neighboring open land, kids hurrying past, clad in a multitude of colored uniforms, neighbors bringing in a new recipe they tried their hands on, fighting with my dad for that morning paper, a friendly chit chat with my neighbor, a fight with my bike mechanic, the marketing shouts of the vegetable vendors, the beautiful kolams that decorate my doorway.

Where can I get the pleasure of recognizing a familiar face in the corner coffee shop, starting of with the usual pleasantries and before I know it, I have just been updated with the latest of the entire neighborhood. Where can I celebrate Diwali waking up at the crack of the dawn and competing with my neighborhood on bursting crackers. Where else can I see the air of festivities and the bright colorful, cheerful mood that it brings with it. Whenever I am traveling out of my town, my face will lit up when I see that familiar green colored city bus, announcing my arrival to my home town. I can live just for that pleasure.

Where can I get the pleasure of bargaining to the street vendors, where can I get the pleasure of grabbing a bite of that samosa or vadai from the local tea stall or the local vendors. Though I crib about the heat, I know I will miss it when I am cold. Where else can I watch the kids playing like there is no tomorrow, but around my street corner. Where else can I see those familiar, life saving yellow and black vehicles called as auto, but for my country. I am in love with my country, my home town and my neighborhood, cos they define who I am and what life is to me. Ask the guys, and am sure they ll say that nothing in this universe can equal the pleasure of them gathering in the near by tea stall for the tea, a smoke and catching up with friends.

There is an immense joy and peace when I see and hear all those that are familiar to me. Without these I will feel like a cast away. This is life to me. I enjoy this thorough and thorough. I have not quoted everything that brings joy to me, here in this post, cos this space is never enough.

Do I want to leave these behind for the unknown pleasures of an unknown land? Nah.. I don't think so.

Annoying Ads

2009-03-29T20:52:00.006+05:30

What is it with ad film makers? I recently saw this ad where a girl, who has her tennis tournament coming up, is upset since she has to wear skirts, but her legs are dark. And then she discovers a body lotion and ta da she is all fair and lovely. What the hell? What does your skin color got to do with sports? Isn't it supposed to be your mental and physical abilities? I fail to understand any logic in this. Does it mean that Venus Williams and Serena Williams are not capable of playing tennis, because they are dark skinned? This is like insulting all the dark skinned sports women. What do we call these ad film makers? Hypocrites? Chauvinists(Here it should be fair skinned people male or female who are the chauvinists)?

There are loads of ads of this kind. A dark skinned person cannot become a flight attendant, a reporter, a bride or groom to be. You name it and you have it. And to top it all now the guys are targeted too. A guy who is dark skinned is not bound to get a girl friend. Says who? Whatever happened to tall, dark and handsome. FYI, super model Naomi Campbell is dark skinned. And so is Cleopatra. So what is the point that these ads are trying to cut across. Unfortunately, I don't see any.

These ads are poisoning the minds of teenagers. At that age, they are overly conscious of how they look. So when ads like these comes up, they are demoralized, demotivated and some are affected psychologically. Yeah, you got to sell your product, but at what cost?

These are not just annoying, I think they are going overboard. We have come a long way from racism and apartheid. But these ads take me back there, back then.

A Hundred Questions - About Moi

2009-03-28T14:40:00.007+05:30

Nancy tagged me on this and here goes about me.....

ABOUT U:
1. What's your name → Anusha
2. Nicknames → Anu, Beam face, Japanese doll(;)) and a lot more of which cant be disclosed here. He he he....
4. Zodiac sign → Capricorn
5. Male or female or transgendered → Female
6. Elementary→ St.John's, Chennai
7. Schools → St.John's, Chennai
8. Colleges → Srinivasa Institute of Engg and Technology, Chennai
9. Height → 5'7”
10. Hair color → Black
11. Long or short → Mid length
12. Do you have a crush on someone? → Had in my teens.. Now nope.
13: Ever been in love? Yes always been in love with my family and friends.
14. Piercings → of the ears.
15. Tattoos → None.
16. Righty or lefty → Both of course

FIRSTS :
17. First piercing → Ears, When I was 3.
18. First best friends → Vijay.
19. First sport you joined→ Ball Badminton
20. First pet → Always my mom :)
21. First vacation → Benaras, Allahabad and Calcutta.
22. First concert → Concert???? me????? U got to be kidding.
23. First crush → When I was in 8th std.
24. Eating → Am a foodie.
25. Drinking → Milk, Water, Soft drinks I swear
26. I'm about to → Have a siesta.
27. Listening to → Genda Phool - Dehli 6

LASTS:
28. Last beverage → Coffee
29. Last phone call → With my best friend a couple of hours back.
30. Last text message → From my best friend's best girl.:)
31. Last song you listened to → Masakali - Delhi 6 again
32. Last time you cried → Yesterday.

HAVE YOU EVER:
33. Dated someone twice → Never dated ever :)
34. Been cheated on? → Yup, by people I have trusted.
35. Kissed someone and regretted it? → Thank god.. Never...
36. Lost someone special? → Emotionally yes.
37. Been depressed?→ Oh Yes, so many times.
38. Been drunk and threw up? → Nope.

HAVE YOU:
39. Made new friends → Yup. As recently as 6 months back. I take a lot of time making friends and this time we just clicked cos of lots of things we have in common. Thanks to my sweet friend cos its her hubby.:)
40. Fallen out of love → You can never really fall out of love u know. At least I cannot. If we have loved someone truly and if its worth it then whatever the reason may be the love prevails. The person may be out of your life but the love stays.
41. Laughed until you cried → Lots and Lots of times. Last one was a couple of hours back on the call with my best friend.
42. Met someone who changed you → Yes. It surprising where u can learn from. But all those learning's leave a lasting impression on us.
43. Found out who your true friends were → Yes, but there are always surprises.
44. Found out someone was talking about you → Oh yeah.
45. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → Yup.
46. Made the first Move → I haven't met someone worth it as yet. When I do I wouldn't mind.
47. Do you have any pets → As I said before, me and my mom are our mutual pets.
48. Do you want to change your name → No. I love my name. Seriously.
49. What did you do for your last birthday → Cut a cake at work. Had lunch with my friend. Went to a rather boring movie with my friends.
50. What time did you wake up today – 08:00 AM…
51. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Sleeping(What else??)
52. Name something you CANNOT wait for → Seeing my friend.
53. Last time you saw your father → A few minutes back.
54. What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life → Wish at least one of my wishes were fulfilled.
55. Most visited web page → Blog spot(recently), Orkut, and Gmail. Necessarily in this order. 56.Bribed someone? → No.
57.Played with dolphins? → No :(

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? → I would love to.
59. Want to get married ? → It gives me the creeps. You don't believe me? Read this.
60. Careers in mind? → Want to be an entrepreneur one day.
61. Settling in a Big Villa? → Not my kind. A small cozy home maybe.
62. Day or night? → Evenings.
63. What day is tomorrow? → Sunday.
64. Challenges? → Marriage.. My biggest challenge.
65. Drive with windows up or down? → I drive a bike. I love it out in the open.
66. Scared of Death? → Not now. Maybe when I am close to it.
67. Cook or Clean? → Clean.
68. Lips or eyes → If u mean what I like in me the most, then its eyes.
69. Hugs or kisses → Hugs.
70. Shorter or taller → Taller.
71. Older or Younger → Not too young and definitely not too old.
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous.
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Would be nice to have both nicer. Wouldn't it?
74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive. Very very.
75. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant → A mixture of both.

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Nah.
79. Lost glasses/contacts → Sun glasses. Yes I have lost them. They were a gift u know :(. 80. Found money on the road → Coins. Lots of times . He he he..
81. Sex on first date → I have never dated. So over to next question.
82. Broken someone's heart → Yes probably.
83. Had your own heart broken → Yes.
84. Held a snake? → No. never.. yuck
85. Been arrested → My closest encounter of that sort would be of paying fine when I drove with a friend who dint have a license.
86. Turned someone down → Yes
87. Cried when someone died → Yes.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl/boy? → No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → A lot.
90. Miracles → Yup. When someone unknown donates blood for a dying patient. When brave men give their lives to save strangers from harm. When a passing traveler stops by to help you fix your bike... I can go on listing...
91. Love at first sight → That's the most uncanny thing I have ever heard of.
92. Heaven → No.
93. Santa Clause → I believe in the concept.
94. Peace in this lifetime → That's in my hands. So yes I believe in it.
95. Kissing on the first date? → LOL.
96. Angels → The miracle-makers above are my angels.
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → My best friend.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time in the past? → Nah...
99. You will die Young → I ll haunt you if I do...
100. You will end with the one you love or learn to love the one you are with – The latter.

That was one heck of a big questionnaire. Haven't done anything like this since those logical reasoning exams I took when I was job hunting. Thanks to Nancy to have made me crack my brains at this.

The Alchemist

2009-03-13T20:21:00.005+05:30

Thanks to my friends for having lend me this book. A simple book with very little pages that speaks volumes and volumes about life. I am sure all those who have read this book will agree with me. There is just one thing that Paul Coelho tries to tell his readers, Every single human being has a dream. He says listen to your heart and follow that dream of yours, for there is no greater joy than realizing that you have made an effort in pursuing what you want.

The book talks about a boy who yearns to travel, in pursuit of a hidden treasure. His dream is to travel. He listens to his heart and makes his dream come true thereby finding the treasure. How very simply put. Each and every one of us can relate to this as is. All of us dream - materialistic or otherwise. But how many of us truly pursue what we want as opposed to living with what we have been fated to. I know I am the second kind.

I feel like most of us are time wrapped in a cocoon where we have lost our identities. Life has so many simple, beautiful things to offer. Not everyone of us will get an Alchemist like that boy did, to guide us in materializing our dreams. But we can learn from examples. We are our own Alchemists. We make or break our very own lives. For all those who are like me, lets stop going in circles and start living our dreams. We don't have eternity to live our lives. It is just this one single life with no promise of a tomorrow. So lets live it.

Marriages are made in heaven

2009-03-12T22:04:00.002+05:30

so they say.. I have these wonderful friends who did not wanna get married ( I am in the club too :)). We have our own reasons u know. Let me list a few
1. Fear of commitment (this tops the list)
2. Not wanting to be responsible ( We are a bunch of good for nothing gen nex loners)
3. Fear of losing independence (What is it anyways?)
4. Afraid if the spouse will match our ideologies(Ideologies???)
5. Fear of losing the inner circle of friends
6. Generally not interested (This is the one reason most of us say to all who asks us)

Whats in marrying? Whats with these moms and dads wanting to get their kid settled? Whoever told them that marriage = settling.

So we were this happy go lucky, irresponsible, independent bunch of kids(???). We were the first to attend any marriages. We were there to pull the legs of any bride and any groom. We simply went there to eat(:)) and to meet our long lost friends. But suddenly (It all happens in matter of days or hours. Dangerous than cardiac arrests) one by one all of them started tying the knot. The never-marry club is now fast becoming married-only club. I can see impending doom in my horizon.

But again whats with marrying guys. Suddenly the world has become all pink and blue and all romantic colors. You cannot live without that one person, whose name you did not know until this very moment. You are worried for them, they are worried for you. You spend hours on the phone ending up paying a fortune to the phone company. And you are all smiles and blushes and what not?. How? how? how does this happen? How can cupid strike so suddenly? How can he make two complete strangers, forever each others for the rest of their lives? I simply fail to understand any logic in this.

Well, yes am terrified thinking about this. But still when I see my loved ones all happy, with their eyes full of dreams and hopes for their loved ones, I end up being happy too. No one has ever been able to answer me how all this happens in flash. Can some one please tell me? Cos as I said I can see impending doom in my horizon.. God help me....

I wish....

2009-02-27T21:06:00.002+05:30

I were a kid. I wish I still had that innocence in me, that would just let me be. Isn't it an amazing quality in kids. The unadulterated innocence that conquers the world. That little frown, the half moon smile, those tears drops that aren't shameful to kiss the earth, the never ending volley of questions..... God I wish I am still part of that world.

I am reminded of the ad i saw the other day. A kid will be banned from playing by his mom. He takes his toy phone and calls up his dad asking to scold his mom.. When he comes back his mom lets him play. The kid is jumping in joy thinking that his call to his dad had made the difference. This purely depicts the innocence of that kid... No words need be spoken here. Just that face says it all. I wish I still have the purity of thought. No strings attached!

We were kids once. Not very long ago. Where did we lose that innocence? When did we grow up so old? As a kid I do not care if I had money. As a kid I do not care if my friend spoke the same language as mine. As a kid I never differentiated between a kid who got down from a BMW and the kid who stayed in the hut by the gutter. So how is it that as i grow up I started seeing all these and more.

I wish I am a kid again. Where it is a no-nonsense world. Where I do not seek anything. Where I am at peace. Where I laugh whenever I want to and cry at the drop of a hat. Where I do not have a mind and a heart, Its just one thing that speaks and I listen to it, whatever it is called. Where I just be.......

Jai Ho Rahman

2009-02-23T18:35:00.002+05:30

for having won the oscars. He is one of my fav musicians of all times. A master in his own league. A human being in true sense. Wishing him success in all his attempts in life.

My first blog

2009-02-23T18:25:00.001+05:30

Though the title sounds cliched, it is indeed my first blog. Why have i named it frozen thoughts??? Of course I like this magazine, thanks to my best buddy to have introduced it to me, but its really about my thoughts that are frozen over time. Thoughts, that i failed to capture. Thoughts, that met with no actions. I read a lot. But never once have i tried to pen anything of my own. Be it my own journal. My friend always tells me to do so. Well, everything has a time and now comes mine. As of now, am really not sure what I am gonna write. Am not even sure if I will keep this up for a long time. But i do hope to. Hope is all that gets us through everything in life.. Aint it????