Matrimony Woes

If you are a girl and your parents are looking for an "eligible" groom for you, you would know what I mean. You would think from the way I have titled this post that this has been going on for ages for me. Nah it has been a few months and am already at my wits end going through the profile of the prospective "groom". Whatever that is???

When the girl reaches a certain age, the whole world and its aunt will start making matches for her. Suddenly in one of your cousin's marriage, a mami will come up to your mom and say "Un ponna? Nala valanthuthalae!!! Ithunda irukarchae pathathu. Ipo ena panara?" (Translation : Is this your girl? Oh she has grown so huge (pun-intended), Saw her when she was so little. What is she doing now?). The mother would say "MNC la vela pakaralakum." (She is working in an MNC - (even if the company just has a front office in San Jose or California, it will be termed  as an MNC by moms whose offspring work in a software company. That is how much software industry has mesmerized Iyer aathu mami's)). "Ada MNC a. Nala nala varana varumae. Enoda orakathioda onu vita athaioda machinaroda payan ipo america la than software la vela pakaran. Un ponum jadagam iruntha kuden. Pakalam" (Oh then she must be getting great prospects interested in her. Give me the horoscope, I ll look for my distant relative(I cannot translate that bit for the life of me)). 

There enters the girl into the matrimony market. The best part of this is the online matrimonial sites that are growing by the dozen every single day. Some of the profiles are hilarious and silly to the extent that it makes me feel are these real people looking for a spouse or have they just created a profile to look around. A creepy thought. Very creepy I say.  The photos of some are outrageous. Isn't the purpose of putting up a picture of yours, to let the other person have an idea of how you look. So if you are going to wear a baseball cap and a pair of huge goggles(even while posing indoors) what kind of an idea should the person looking at you have? That you must be born blind??? I can even stomach this but putting up a photo of how you looked when you were a kid. Dude seriously???? Then comes the self description where invariably every other person says he is a person with a blend of traditional and modern values. I wonder if most people understand what a blend of traditional and modern values means. Isn't this something that varies from person to person? What is traditional to you may be looked upon as normal by me and what is modern to me may be looked upon as ultra modern by you. So how can we standardize this? 

Then comes the Partner Preference section. Most guys don't fill this and I don't know what they expect girls looking at their profiles to think. Is any one OK for these guys then?  Then there are these stereotypes who claim that the girl must be good looking, graduate, working/non-working, god-fearing, traditional, respect elders and must be adaptable. I am OKx even with all the rest, but adaptable? Isn't that too chauvinistic or am I over-thinking it. Adaptable to what? So if I say I am looking for a guy who is adaptable how many responses do you think I will get? Zilch. Even at this day and age, people are not willing to get out of their old school system. So where is there scope to talk to the person, understand them a bit maybe and come to a conclusion of what you really are looking for?

As if this is not enough to make your brain all fuzzy, the relatives and friends add more confusion to the entire picture by bringing in profiles of guys. Then there are papers with ads, magazines with ads, so it means subscribing to all magazine and paper that can ever be published until the marriage gets fixed. If at all by mistake some profile escapes with minor injuries amidst the heavy filtering process, the never ending siege to the house of josiar mama (the family astrologer) begins. Poor guy, he must be wondering "my father cleared the horoscope for your grandmother, I cleared it for your mother and her entire clan and now I am still not rid of your family, Bagavanae neku ithulernthu viduthalayae kedayatha?? (Am I stuck with this family forever)". He writes "Can Proceed" on Jadagams he thinks suits each other the best, of course after having consulted Mars and Jupiter and moon and Saturn several times and confirming that they will stay put in their boxes. When this sea is crossed, the never-ending negotiations between the families and the girl and guy goes on for a while. And if all is well, a date is set and both are pushed into the matrimonial bliss(??) forever. If negotiations don't go as expected the loop starts all the way from the beginning. Hmmm, I can only wish.....